A Human Chrysalis: From Heartbreak to Beauty

Have you ever studied a Chrysalis closely?  It is the pupa or beginning of a butterfly.  Encased in a cocoon, the chrysalis begins to form from pupa (larval form) to something so magnificent, so beautiful  and so stunning that a person can hardly believe it was once a pupa!!!

I have a friend that is so beautiful, so magnificent and so stunning, yet she does not think she is anything special.  You see, after 30 years of being told she was not worthy, she came to believe it.  She stood stoically as she endured years of betrayal, unkind words and behavior from her own husband and his family that people (including her own children) never knew what she was experiencing on a daily basis.  Thirty years..........I have known this beautiful friend for over 46 years now, yet not knowing what was going on behind the scenes of a "Happy Family."  She lived in one state, I lived in another.  Every time I called to talk to her whether it was just to catch up, on her birthday, their wedding anniversary, or the kids birthdays, she never knew that I called. Never....her husband never told Linda that Nancy or I had ever called.  Never.  Thirty years.

I was stunned in 2008 when I found out about her divorce and the abuse.  I never knew the depth of the hurt she was experiencing.  For the most part, I did not see the abuse, but I did hear her husband's description and language towards other people whenever I visited my home town and went to see them as friends.  Over the years, I did talk to him, but learned to not like him very much as most people he spoke about were "dirtballs" or "dumbasses" and other various negative names.  (Now, years later, I believe he was actually talking about himself.  Possibly, insecurity extraordinaire?)

The good news is, after 46 years, the three Piano Majors who were friends while we each studied music at Ohio State University got together for a vacation for July 4, 2025 in Western New York.  

We stayed at Nancy & Bruce's house on Interlaken Lake in Western New York - it was MAGNIFICENT!!!  We had so much fun, and Nancy and I watched a beautiful butterfly emerge from her cocoon.  Yes, our friend Linda was coming out of her shell.  Finally, after years of praying for her, the Lord is beginning to transform her.  From the inside out!

No more abuse, no more name calling, no more hiding the hurt and shame, no more stoically standing on the sidelines while being told horrific things about who she was and how she looked.  No matter what she wore, it was never good enough for her husband even though she is gorgeous- every day! 

This magnificent, beautiful and stunning friend began to laugh and be herself again!!!  It was amazing to see her heart "unthawing" after so many years in a frozen meat locker.  Yes, her heart was frozen for soooo long!

Plus, Linda is an amazing and accomplished musician!  While in college, she worked 3 jobs, had 3 children and got her doctorate in music!!!  Amazing!!! Incredible!!! How did she accomplish all that?  I have NO idea, but I believe it was by the Grace of God!

It was so much fun to watch Linda unfold as a person again.  She went on the intertube on the lake behind the boat just for fun!  She gave Nancy's granddaughter an impromptu piano lesson and made Charlie laugh and learn that "rhythm is her friend!"  She went on walks with us. We drank coffee together every morning. And, she shared her heart with Nancy and I as we listened to her story.

Also, listening to Linda play the piano and watching her beautiful hands on the piano keys, I cried once again because her hands are like "velvet" on the keys! Velvet!!!  I have described Linda's playing to my family and friends over the years as velvet on the keys over and over again.........it is truly amazing to watch and listen to her play!!  AMAZING!!!

If you have a friend who has been through such a stinging, excruciating experience, encourage them that there is a bridge to the other side of that cold, dark cliff they were on.  Encourage them to walk across that bridge to the other side.  There is healing, there is wholeness, there is love for the asking on the other side.  And , they do NOT need to feel guilty for leaving that cold, dark cliff.  They deserve Love, Joy, and Peace. They deserve to emerge from that cocoon and fly like a beautiful butterfly!!!

From heartbreak to beauty.  It truly is possible.  We watched the butterfly emerge!!!  WOW!!!

Friends and Sisters-in-Christ

Friends who accompany us along this journey call life are priceless!  Each one has a unique quality and personality. They make up a "tribe" to surround us and make each day filled with joy, laughter and fun, and make our life more vibrant and worth living.  They are an anchor for our soul at times as well. They lift us up when life gets us down and stand by our side when the going gets rough.  We share our joys and sorrows openly and freely. 

When those priceless friends are also, sisters-in-Christ, it is even more of a gift!  For we know our Anchor is in Christ alone. He shines a light on the darkness and gives us hope.  These "sisters" help us to see that light. 

Five years ago, we started on a journey with my friend Loraine as she faced liver and colon cancer.  She faced it head on and fought hard!  She faced each treatment with courage and dignity. Many ladies from our church took her to chemo treatments, doctor appointments, and her best friend Debbie from New York was on every phone call with the doctor and surgeon.  Her cousin, Mary Ann stepped in and took care of the finances and provided incredible moral support with Mary Ann's hubby and daughters. Then, an angel named Pam McCracken, sent from God above, offered her home to Loraine and took care of Loraine for the past 15 months. It was beautiful to watch Pam take care of Loraine, especially in these past few weeks and days of her life. The tenderness and love poured through to Loraine in every way imaginable. Just think of what an incredible gift that was to Loraine!

Loraine has and had a mighty tribe!  

After multiple surgeries, chemo and grueling treatments, her battle is over.  Today around 8 am, the Lord gathered His precious lamb, Loraine Hardy in His arms and took her home to be with Him forever!  No more pain, no more cancer, no more suffering.  Loraine is whole and free and Rejoicing! And, for those of us who are believers, we will see her again in Heaven!!! Hallelujah!!!

Isaiah 40: 11 says: "He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart."  The Shepherd, Jesus, gathered her in His arms as she took her last breath this morning.

And, He did carry her close to His heart!  Every day......what a privilege it was and is to have been by her side these past 5 years.  She is the epitome of "Loveliness."  Everything about her was lovely....pure....sweet.  I wrote a blog in March 2020 about her being "Lovely."  (I will be reading it at her Celebration of Life in a couple of months!)  She truly was....

I pray that each of you reading this has a "tribe" around you -- to carry you through, to be by your side, to help lift the burden on the days you want to give up, and to help you see how loved you are!!!

These sisters who are "closer than a brother" are precious.  Priceless. The love they share with us will stay in our hearts long after our earthly life is over.  That is why we look forward to Eternity in Heaven.

We will see you again, Loraine!!!  We love you and will miss you dearly..........thank you for blessing our lives!!!

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

Do you remember bells, Church Bells, Belfries or Carillon Bells ringing in the city when you were young?  I do!  It is one of my favorite childhood memories. The church up the street where I grew up had them ringing every Sunday and many mornings to awaken you to a new day!  And, I especially loved the bells ringing on Mackinac Island in the summers of 1971-1972 with my grandparents.  Ahhh.....they brought such joy to my heart!

If you do remember church bells ringing as a child, then some of you may remember the old Christmas Carol called "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day."  It is a beautiful old carol with words or lyrics written by Henry W. Longfellow, the famous poet. 

Henry Longfellow wrote the carol in 1864 in the midst of the Civil War, one of the darkest hours in this country.  Along with that, he has just lost his beloved wife, Fanny due to her dress catching on fire from a candle.

The words are poignant. They prick our senses or they become keenly distressing to the mind or our feelings or can arouse a lot of sentiment in our hearts. See what you think:

Verse 1:  I heard the bells on Christmas day, their old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet the words repeat of Peace on earth, good will to men.

Verse 2:  I thought how, as the day had come, the belfries of all Christendom, had rolled along the unbroken song of Peace on earth, good will to men.

Verse 3:  And in despair I bowed my head; There is no peace on earth, I said, "For hate is strong, and mocks the song of Peace on earth, good will to men.

Verse 4:  Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:  "God is not dead, nor does he sleep; The wrong shall fail, the right prevail, With Peace on earth, good will to men."

Verse 5: Till ringing, singing on its way, The world revolved from night to day; A voice, a chime, a chant sublime, of Peace on earth, good will to men.

Here are a couple of questions to ponder this season:

1) What is wild and/or sweet in your life right now? Do you have a grandchild that runs wild and drives you crazy?  Or do you have a sweet child, grandchild, niece or nephew, or neighbor child who has stolen your heart?  Ring a Bell for that child!

2) What unbroken song sings in your heart?  Do you have a longing that won't quite go away?  Ring a bell in your heart!  Let joy flow from that song!

3) How is your mood lately?  Does despair crop us occasionally?  With all that has happened in our country and the world over the past couple of years, do you hear or feel the hate that seems to be so strong?  Have you noticed the mocking?  Ring a bell and keep the light of love strong in your heart! Share it with others!  Ring a Bell!

4)  How is your faith holding up?  There are a lot of reasons to be confused about faith these days. Listen for the church bells.  Find hope.  You might think God is dead, but guess what?  He is NOT dead nor does He sleep! He is WIDE awake!!!  All the wrong that seems to be so pervasive, will NOT prevail!  I believe that with all my heart! And, God's Word tells us so!  Take heart, Listen, and Ring a Bell!

5) Look up! Have you noticed?  The world keeps revolving!  It does not stop, even when our hearts are heavy. Listen for a voice, a chime, a chant.  Then, let PEACE rule in your heart!  

PEACE acronym: 

P = Praise: Find a reason to sing Praises 

E = Exalt God

A = Adore Him

C = Created:  KNOW that He created you, He is calling you, and He may have already claimed you as HIS!

E = Eternity - you are His for all of eternity!  REJOICE! 

Let the church bells ring in your heart! Let a little "lilt" show in your step! Let music surround you this season!  Feel the tingle of a song that gives you chills! Allow yourself to cry when you need to do so!  

Watch the movie:  "I Heard the Bells on Christmas day."  Stay up until midnight on Christmas eve and see if you hear church bells somewhere in the community!  Go to a Midnight Service! 

Pretend you are a Christmas ornament and lay underneath your Christmas tree and look up through the lights.  Let that light shine through you the next day!

 Most of all, I pray you will "hear" the church bells ringing in your heart!

 Then peeled the bells more loud and sweet:  "God is not dead, nor does He sleep!"

Let the Bells Ring!!!

An Orphan's Destiny

This past weekend, out church had an awesome Women's retreat called Restored!  It was an amazing day filled with laughter and tears!  We had wonderful music along with three speakers who were fabulous!  Each had their own idea of what "Restored" meant to them and each shared their story.  Each one was so unique and so honest.  As they gave their testimony as to what had happened in their lives, we each took away something to comfort our hearts.  And, some women felt that a part of them began to heal.  What an incredible gift it was!

I had the privilege of taking one of the speakers to the airport on Sunday and what a beautiful gift she gave me as we talked at lunch and then on the way to the airport.  Her name is Stephanie Fast and I hope you get her book from Amazon called "She is Mine." God made that statement to a mission nurse as she started to walk away from this little girl dumped in a garage heap.  The nurse named Iris' feet were like concrete.  She could not walk away and leave this little girl and audibily heard God tell her that "She is Mine!"  Wow!!  What a story she has to tell!

What Stephanie has gone through in her life was so startling and so sad on one hand and yet, she brought out the redemption that only the Blood of Jesus could bring!  I am not going to tell her story, but I am going to reflect on what she taught me through her story and her resilience!  I really hope you will buy the book or borrow it to read or learn more from her website.

I know some people have gone through so much pain and suffering as a child and I do not want to trample on anyone's heart in a negative way, so please forgive me if this blog triggers some of those feelings you thought you had worked through and perhaps healed from.  And, I hope this will not create a new fracture line in your heart.  My intention is that this writing may bring you hope and ultimately JOY!  There is so much to be grateful for even in our suffering......I hope you will agree.

If you were born in to a "regular" family, and had all the comforts of a loving home, I pray that you will stop and give thanks for those parents, grandparents and siblings that you may have grown up with over your lifetime.  If not, I pray this will encourage you to seek help with friends, prayer warriors and/or a counselor that can help you learn to work through all those rough spots in your upbringing.  There is so much to learn from our past even if it wasn't the brightest or the best.  

But, KNOW this:  You are Loved with an everlasting love that cannot be extinguished!!!  Yes, YOU!  Zephaniah 3:17 says:  "The Lord your God is with  you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Let that sink in for a few moments.....God delights in you.  He rejoices over you.  He sings over you!

Now, let me ask you a tough question:  Can you imagine being an orphan?  And, especially an Orphan of War from the 1950's???  I cannot.  Being told by your grandfather that you are NOT wanted and then having your mom forced (in a sense) to "get rid of you!" Gone from the village you were born in, gone from the young mother who loved you, gone from having anyone to care for you.  Gone.

This would be more than any little four year old heart can understand or fathom  (Or, any 67 year old, for that matter, hearing the story for the very first time.)

Imagine yourself at four years old!  Were you snuggled and held  as a child? Did you have a roof over your head?  Did you have food and water and even desserts or treats many days of your life?  Did you have a soft warm bed with sheets and blankets that kept you warm in the winter time?

Well, now try to imagine the opposite.  Imagine your mommy taking you to a train station in Korea at four years old, giving you a handkerchief with a pickle, an egg and a pad of cooked rice in it and telling you to be a good little girl and stay on the train all the way until it stops. At the end of the train ride there will be an "Uncle" who with pick you up and take care of you.  Then, imagine a little further, when the train stops and there is NO ONE there for you.  No one.  No uncle. Not anyone who will care for you.  No one.

Now imagine being half Korean and half British and not belonging to anyone.  Could you fend for yourself at four years old?  Could you find shelter, food, water, clothing, something to keep you warm at night?  Could you ask for help and stand being turned down time and time and time again because you were a half breed?  Imagine being spit on, beaten, tossed out, and treated as horribly as you can imagine.  Then, remember,  you are FOUR years old! 

What a frightening journey this little girl had!!!  Day and after day, she was treated horribly.  Hungry, tired, and scared with NO place to go and no one to help you.  Could you have survived?  Stephanie's story is compelling and riveting.  And, it is a miracle!!!  Stephanie learned through many grueling and very tough situations to survive. Now, she is around 70 years old (she never knew her birth date!) and she is living in the United States.  She survived to tell her story and what a  journey it has been!!!  She learned to THRIVE! And, she learned what many orphans never learn:  LOVE.  And, love from the ONE True God who brought her through so many twists and turns to tell this incredible story.  

I truly hope you will look up her website at:  www.stephaniefast.org or get her book to read!  It is truly gut wrenching and yet amazing!  Sad, but glorious!!!

What did I learn from Stephanie?  That hope is never lost.  A person can survive unmentionable things.  A person can heal from very, very tragic occurrences in your past.  And, a person can find God's love despite being treated very cruelly for the first 9 years of your life!

My prayer is that anyone reading this or passing it along to others, will find the Love of Jesus and put their trust in Him.  He is waiting for you.  He is mighty to save.

The MRI Club Rides Again!

Hold onto your hat - You're in for a treat!!!  (Oh!  You don't have a hat? Please go get one - you are going to need it!)

Have you ever heard of the Red Hat Club?  Well, it is a group of ladies whose are in the age range above 50 years old.  And, they wear Red hats with purple outfits and it is based on a poem called "When I Am an Old woman."  It is written by Jenny Joseph and Elizabeth Lucas.  (Is 50 really old?  Not in our club!!!)

Here are a couple of lines from the poem:

"I shall wear purple with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me....I will sit down on the pavement when I'm tired and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells and run my stick along the public railings...I shall go out in my slippers in the rain and pick flowers in other people's gardens and learn to spit."

Basically, the poem is advocating that as we grow older we can do what we want and not care what other people think about us!  (Ha! Ha!)  Irreverent you say?  Not a bit!!!  It is called FUN!!!

Well, a NEW club is in town now!!!  We call it the "MRI club."  It is a group of ladies from my church who happen to sit in the back row at church every Sunday and then go out to lunch together.  We have a ball together!!!  We laugh and giggle, discuss the sermon from the morning and generally enjoy each other's company.  The funny part about it is the age range:  93, 85, 84, 82, 68 and two 67 year olds!  

The ODD part about it (or, the funny part) is that the 3 younger ladies of the Back Row Church Ladies, all have had to have MRI's lately for various health issues and now are having surgery for those ailments!  

What in the world?  The older ladies of the group are "healthy as a horse" as the saying goes!!!  The younger ones are falling apart at the seams..........LOL

Then, to top those ages, we have 2 other friends who do not go to the same church, but are part of our MRI Club and adventures.  They are are ages 58 and 51 who are  also having surgery!!! Go figure!!!

But, the most beautiful part about our MRI club is the commradre.  We would do anything for each  other!!!  We pray for each other, give each other rides (after surgery), ocassionally play cards together, have brunches at our homes for each other, celebrate birthdays at restaurants ( and yes, we bring our own cake!), go to movies, and go on adventures to places like the Carousel Museum in Leavenworth and Weston, MO.  You name it - we have a BLAST!!!

What a blessing this group is!  We not only have fun, but we help carry one another's burdens, pray for our health and families, and spur one another on to a deeper faith!  God has truly blessed us with these special relationships and friendships. 

I encourage you to gather a couple of special ladies around you and do the same!  We only live once and why not live it with special people who make you smile???

Watch out:  The MRI clubs rides again and more adventures are sure to come!!!!

Peaceful Acceptance

 Have you ever been in pain unexpectedly?  Or in pain that you knew was coming, but did not expect it to be quite so challenging?  Well, I find myself in this spot this week after Arthroscopy knee surgery.  I expected to have pain  Post- Op, but did not think it would be greater than what I experienced 2 years ago when I had a total knee implant on the opposite knee!  How exciting, right?  

As many of my readers know, this blog piece is NOT for sympathy, but awareness.  Sometimes, we go through things in this life that we honestly do not understand and/or cannot comprehend.  At times like these, I like to reflect on what lesson I am supposed to be learning through all this?

So, in my despair and discomfort (to say the least!), I came up with an acronym to help me through this rough season:

PAIN = 

Peaceful

Acceptance

Infirmities

Nailed 

I am not sure how many of you have gone to Al-Anon (the spouse/family member support group to Alcoholics Anonymous), but it has taught me well.

One of my favorite definitions I learned in the program for 15 years after my divorce was the definition of  "Acceptance."  Acceptance is simple acknowledgement, without blame, without shame, without guilt and without regret.  Boom. Simple Acknowledgement.  Learning to accept or receive willingly.  Sometimes, acceptance is admitting that you are wrong.  Sometimes, it is simply acknowledging something is what it is, or someone is who he/she is.....right or wrong, good or bad, the thing or person simply is what it is and/or who they are. Period.

No blame, no shame, no guilt, no regret.  Acceptance.  Period.

Now add peaceful acceptance. Think about that:  Peaceful.....acceptance......peaceful......acknowledgement.  No need to challenge the situation or try to change that something or someone.  Simply accept.  Simply acknowledge.

It is a game changer!!!  All of a sudden you think about your situation differently.  Or, perhaps the acceptance comes slowly.....imperceptibly.  Almost as a whisper in the night.....whichever way it hits your heart - let it!!!

Infirmities happen to all of us ......I have a group of friends who have ALL gone through MRI's, CT Scans, and finally surgery to alleviate their pain and health conditions.  We call ourselves the "/MRI Club!"  It is hilarious!!!  So many close friends all facing uncertainty with outcomes of surgery, physical therapy, etc. yet all of us are hopeful that our bodies will come back to "normal" someday!!! LOL

With the love and support of so many wonderful family members and friends, each of us are "on the mend,"  So, it is with PEACEFUL acceptance that I write this blog in honor of so many people going through so many challenges in their lives.

And, finally, I am nailing my infirmities to the Cross of Christ!  Philippians 4:13 says:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"  And, with this new peaceful attitude and awareness, my infirmities are lessening........day by day, minute by minute.  He holds us in His mighty hands.

Peace that passes all understanding wins.

Christ's Power

Come sit for a while.........this blog will be a long one....come linger awhile and contemplate what your heart feels and what emotions arise.

In recent days, there has been so much anger, fear, doubt, anxiety and total shock over recent events reported on the news that affects so many people that I know and love.  It is devastating to the family that this horrific act happened to AND to all who knows the heartbreak. Something so unbelievable and unfathomable that a person has to shake their head and say: "Why, God, why???"

The beautiful part is that the community of FAITH around this family is gathering..........hunkering down.......staying committed to helping in every aspect possible............praying............and trusting God with all our hearts!!

God will NOT be defeated! The Lion of Judah is roaring and we will get past this! And, we will stand tall together.  We will be a community that will have an incredibly positive "Ripple effect" so far and wide that people will say "How in the world do they stay positive?  Committed?  How are they becoming Stronger?  

How?  Our God is an AWESOME God!!!  He is mighty to SAVE!!!  He will NEVER leave us, nor forsake us!!!  He WILL be glorified somehow through this tragedy!!!

Psalm 46 resonates for us as a church family!!! 

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. Therefore we will NOT fear, though the earth give way, and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though the waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.  There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.  God is within her, she will NOT fall; Nations are in an uproar, kindgoms fall; He lifts His voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty IS with us, the God of Jacob IS our fortress.  Come and SEE the works of the Lord, the desolations He has brought on the earth.  He makes wars to cease to the ends of the earth; He breaks the bow and shatters the spear, He burns the shields with fire.  BE STILL AND KNO THAT I AM GOD. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty IS with us, the God of Jacob IS our fortress."

Never before have I felt SO strong in my faith. SO certain there IS a God.  My faith is growing by the minute!  Our church WILL Grow. Our church family WILL unite. Our Kids Ministry WILL survive.  Our Preschool will THRIVE.  We will OVERCOME by God' Grace and Mercy.  His Grace IS enough.

Last night we gathered.  We prayed together.  We sang songs like "His Grace is Enough" and "Amazing Grace/My Chains are Gone." These songs will ring through our heads and our hearts forever. We will NOT give up.  We will NOT give in to the devil's schemes.

Prayer will be our mantra.  Prayer will lead us to VICTORY.

CHRIST'S Power will prevail and WILL overcome the evil that darkened our doorstep.

Changing gears for a minute, I had the privilege of creating an acronym with a young 10 year old friend, named Bella Lugo last week before this tragedy hit our church.  Bella and I poured over a Bible's Concordance for each letter in the word: POWER.  After writing down all the possibilities, we came up with this acronym:

Provides

Outstanding

Way

(for)

Everlasting

Righteousness

Isn't that amazing???  A ten year old, opening her Bible, picking out words to put together to create something that will resonate in my heart the rest of my days...........when I first learned of this tragedy, I thought, I don't even know HOW to pray, what to pray, could I pray?  Then, this acronym came to my mind.  God just provided HIS outstanding WAY.  He provides the Everlasting Righteousness through His son.

POWER.  Christ's Power.  

We have it because He sacrificed it ALL for each of us!!!  

HIS POWER!!!

His death. His burial. His resurrection.

Our Salvation. Our Santification. Our Sacred Privilege of being one of HIS followers.

His Provision.  His Way.  His Everlasting Righteousness.

His POWER.  

WOW!!!